So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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