I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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