umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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