i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
