Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
