we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
