Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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