By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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