i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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