I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
