it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
