I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
