I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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