Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How external is "for external use only"?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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