I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
