i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
