Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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