Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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