New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
