I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a beard to bite.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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