this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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