look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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