I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Jerry, you need to find god
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
