I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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