I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
