If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
