I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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