Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
