apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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