Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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