It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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