stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
soo... how was my night?
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