I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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