Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
