I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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