3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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