she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
