and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
