Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
