we're chasing vodka with high fives
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
