Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
