he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
