I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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