I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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