clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
