My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
