I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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