i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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