Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
