do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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