is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Houston, we have a blender
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
