I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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