Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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