why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
