I accidentally had phone sex last night
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
