Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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