I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
