they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
