I'm drive I can fine osifer
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
