singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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