Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
