Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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