I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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