I think I won the penis lottery.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize