'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
