All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
