Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
