im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
