im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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