So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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