Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
