if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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