I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
