I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
