He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
