If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
