I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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