shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
