Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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