can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I didn't notice because vodka
That accounts for only three of the penises
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
