you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
