Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
PANTIES FOUND
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