when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
