I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
